Artistic Adventure

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I know "out there" is where his heart calls,

as mine has sung the same songs of wanderlust.

I will not hold any part of who he is back. I want to see him soar at his highest potential, not mold him to what i may need.

And I think that's what our love is, mutual respect for the wanderlust in each others hearts

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"He finds himself on the platoue, surrounded by blue ridges. A sunset or rise in the background, here he may keep a piece of "home" with him while he is home"

That was what kept being uttered into my mind as I created this mural for my Partner Adventure Jones. He requested to hire me to paint his room while he was away for a couple of weeks working out of state. I took the job excitedly, because it was the perfect expression of an act of service love language for me! Plus i wanted to show him how professional I can be! lol sometimes i get it stuck in my head i have to "earn" love so acts of service help me to accept love by feeling as though i do deserve that love. in some instances that crutch can be overused, but sometimes its used in the most powerfully beautiful way of expression.

when you have a partner who vagabonds you learn to speak potent love languages catered specifically to them. That is what we did here.

Only within the last few months have Adventure Jones and I had consistent face to face contact. we probably went a good 10 months only interacting in person less than 10 times. so our relationship is unique, like many others in this world. Our relationship is also extremely healthy which is unlike many others.

Many people in relationships find themselves thinking about how to express the depth of what they are feeling for another person. As the world has begun to learn what love languages are and how to express them we have opened up a whole real of understanding. At least for me I have been oblivious to certain love languages and I used to rely on words of affirmation to know someone cared about me or was flirting lol.

AJ and I have such a beautiful way of learning each others languages and speaking that language for each other. we are also both working together to create our own unique language between each other. It is an intimate process curated to our individual connection, one only he and I could craft together. This is what my heart was born for, polyamory gives my heart the chance to live that wholly with multiple connections at once.

What I was saying through my act of service towards him. appreciation for his trust in me, listening to the lesson about self worth and being fair in asking for compensation, surprised him with above and beyond what he expected because of how much he entrusted to me and showed me respect. I wanted to make him proud. and his response to being proud of me was perfect. he posted it on his instagram, **tehehehe**

Our passion and intimacy is growing rapidly right now, at first I was slightly resistant. were we moving too fast? No, its simply the way our connection works. We spend short bursts of intense quality time and physical touch when we are able to be physically together. Then while we are apart we can rely on words of affirmation and acts of service to bridge the gap. Its nice to be able to so fluidly speak a variety of love languages, while also being able to receive them. I believe that has come from all the healing work we put into ourselves.

(laying under a willow tree, he keeps making dreams come true for me)

so ill accept our unconventional lives with pride knowing that our relationship has been built consistently and mutually in the most healthy way for both of us.

Of course sometimes I hear those voices telling me I'm not enough for him. I should be more, I should do more for him, but every time I hear them I am able to know that is not the truth. and that knowing is so powerful. If a feeling persists I feel safe and supported enough to bring it forward as awareness to my partner. I do not expect him to solve my concern, I just need to be allowed to express it.

One thing about AJ is that when I come to him with something that had been weighing on me its so weightless to him, that I sometimes even think he is humored by me. Yet I have the same weightlessness towards what he sees in himself as some of the most heavy burdens he carries.

I fear less and less that he will discover a side of me he doesn't "love" and decide for himself that is "who she truly is" and walk away. I only fear this because I have lived through it multiple times through multiple connections. family, friends, co workers, boy friend, husband, boy friend...... boy friend lol. this world has given many opportunities to give up, to make you feel hopeless because you have seen the patterns before. In the book the Four Agreements

they speak about the concept of each of our individual "book of law" that acts as judge jury and asjdhjsh. I've learned first hand that cycles and patterns CAN be broken. Should be broken and I feel like my partners see that so deeply within my soul and sometimes they don't understand how I can still see myself as stuck and less than or hopeless.

Depression has followed me my entire life, yes i am healing, yes i want to be heard, yes i still struggle to get out of bed, yes i still have panic and anxiety attacks, yes i still get really quite and shy in places i feel i cannot be myself. Through the support of those around me who love me i have been able to learn ways to push through and face these symptoms. I WANT TO LIVE! i still have to fight depression but i have found how i want to live and love and i wont let anything take that from me.

I see such a similar heart in AJ, i feel we have been parallel in this life on multiple occasions. i love getting to dive deeper into the connection AJ and I have. yes this closer intimacy opens some variabilities, and i will definitely miss him while he travels even more so than before. in my opinion, those are small details surrounding this beautiful soul connection and i have no plans to deny it over a few small details. being Poly may help a bit too.

I have a safety in knowing that while he is traveling that he doesn't have to be so alone. yes our connection can continue through video and calls, but sometimes people need that physical connection too. If geologically i cannot provide that for him (though i wish we had instant transportation because i would be there to provide hot AF physical connection anytime he needed!) that man is like a sex God. I dont know if he is just to me or if he is that way with everyone he connects to, alls i know is how much I personally crave more of his........physical connection......

Overall we support each other and truly want to see the other shining in their best lives! No matter what that means I am supportive of those I love.

Remember, Love is Everywhere

- <3 KIT